Lost Investment

Perhaps it's my tendency to believe the best in people...or that I'm naive, easily swayed, too nice, a bit passive-aggressive, am constantly downgrading myself, or that I'm simply too focused on the present at times that I forget about the future.

I can't provide a whole lot of back story, but here's the basis...

The first Bible study of the school year was about Acts 2.  It focused on the fellowship of believers and what we could do to build stronger community, especially within LAR (my dorm).  Ironically following the conclusion of small group, I was returning to my room when I heard some commotion in the room across from mine.  I saw that the light was on, I had never met the girl, and I just led people in a Bible study about building better community.  And inside me, I felt this strange yet dreaded push to knock on the door.

And that's exactly what I did.

I heard someone say 'Come in', and with hesitancy, I entered...  Ten feet in front of me was a girl I had never seen in my life.  She was rummaging through her purse, looked mildly frazzled, and had a look of confusion and frustration on her face.  After introducing myself, I talked about IV for a little bit and said that if she ever wanted to eat with someone or needed homework help, etc, I wouldn't mind assisting her.

Little was I aware at that time, I would get to know this freshmen like no one else.  In fact, I consider her as one of my college best friends--even so far as a little sister.  It has been one, interesting year.  She and I have had some great talks, laughs; she came to my house for Thanksgiving, and I went to hers for Spring Break...  Quite literally, I cannot count the number of times we've hung out, shared meals, walked to class, and the list goes on.

Yet, even as we've established a great friendship, there have been some mixed emotions about next year.  The good part is that she's staying at UIUC.  But what breaks my heart the most is that she won't be returning to LAR--because she'll be moving to a new dorm on the other side of campus.  Perhaps it's my tendency to believe the best in people...or that I'm naive, easily swayed, too nice, a bit passive-aggressive, am constantly downgrading myself, or that I'm simply too focused on the present at times that I forget about the future.

I realize that I've spent a great deal with this girl, and I'm saddened to realize that we won't be seeing each other much next year (as she'll be studying abroad in the spring).  And as much as I've tried, she won't change her mind about where she'll be dorming.  She's going to Nugent, and there's nothing I can do.

But at the same time, I can't force her to stay in LAR.  She's capable of making her own decisions, and her mind is clearly made up.  The only thing I can do is support her choice, and hope that God would use her to make an impact wherever she may go.  I'd hate to make her feel guilty in any way, and I know that she's got enough to deal with on her own.

In other respects, perhaps this is God's way of pushing me to invest in others I know will be staying in LAR.  I can't focus on what I cannot control or what is out of my 'sphere of influence'.  But I certainly hope that God will help me attain some closure...  For, why does it seem that every time I put forth so much care and love towards someone, it seems more like a lost investment?

It's difficult to accept what you cannot change.