STRUGGLING FOR HIS GREATER PURPOSE

This week was unlike one I had ever experienced in my life. I had never been so anxious, insecure, full of despair, and on the verge of a mental breakdown for nearly 6 days straight. As midterms and loads of homework have begun to accumulate, I find myself distracted in trying to thoroughly understand all the material being thrown in my face. I long for a break. Even as I write, I cannot help but mentally plan for my next homework task.

Though I desire to succeed and do well academically, I've alienated people around me. I haven't attended small group in 3 weeks; I skipped large group this week; I tend to eat by myself because I want to finish reading homework or study before classes... This kind of behavior is contrary to what I've always believed is vital to a Christian's growth. We are to build the body and surround ourselves in this loving community, one that loves and encourages to an unbelievable extent. Yet, I'm almost avoiding that kind of fellowship in efforts to attain my own goals.

As I reflect on the week, the only thing that helped me to persist was knowing that first and foremost, my identity rooted in Christ. This kind of suffering is only temporary. I don't know how long it will last, but I need to endure it well. God would not allow me to experience what I cannot handle. And though I feel like crying all the time because of the stress and pressure around me, I feel comforted in holding onto Psalm 23. Truly, the Lord is gracious and good. In any trial or time of sorrow, his hand is the one to hold. His embrace is more calming than anything on this earth. I long to get out of this mental rut, but in the end, it's all for a greater purpose.